He looked perplexed. “I so did not mean to stab you Gwen. Long time no see by the way.”
“I can’t quite bring myself to believe that Ares. I really can’t. And quite frankly I am both shocked and grateful that you offered up an apology. It isn’t in your nature.” I retorted.
“You can’t possibly still be mad that I left you for Aphrodite. It was ages ago.” He continued.
“A woman should never be a pillow that a man rests his head on. Because when he gets good and ready he will leave to fill his bed. And while the pillow may know every intricate detail of the man’s heart, it is the women who suffer. The pillow suffers through her heart and love for this man, and the one who fills his bed for what she will never know about him because she will never be his pillow.” I told him.
“You have an uncanny way of making me feel like crap. Glad to see you haven’t lost that knack.” He snarled.
“Well, you stabbed me so don’t expect too much right now.” I told him as I grunted painfully trying to stand up and pulled the dagger out.
“Now, wait a minute. I was never particularly mean to you Gwen. Not really.” He started.
“No you just do what most men do. How long did I lay beside you because you had nothing better to do? How long was it that I was your placeholder companion while you looked for a quote unquote real woman? How long did it take you to figure out that if you took up all of my free time to fill your loneliness then I would never have the chance to let someone else get close enough to me so that no matter what you would be the one to leave first when you got good and ready? Hmm…?” I coolly asked him.
“It wasn’t that. I mean you had the same chance to find someone else that I did. But, what do you want me to say Gwen?” he said giving up.
“Nothing. There is nothing that you can say. Nothing was ever good enough for you anyway.” I said defeated and not wanting to run down memory lane anymore. I had worked entirely too hard to forget as much as I could of him. But, how do you do that when you’ve incorporated someone into every detail of your normal daily life?
“That’s not true. I always told you that I was grateful.” He said sounding defensive.
“If I gave you the world on a silver platter, you’d say thank you and then complain that the platter wasn’t made of gold. Then because it wasn’t platinum. Then nitpick about what was actually on the platter. But, if someone else did even one thousandth of that for you, you wanted to name a city after them. It’s like nothing was ever good enough for you because it came from me. Like you resented that I was the one who loved you and was there for you and you couldn’t wait to get someone else. But, you didn’t want to be alone while you were waiting either.” I explained to him desperately trying to keep my temper under wraps.
“I see. I made you feel like I was purposely finding a reason to tell you that you were never good enough because you were not someone else. That’s how you feel?” he asked trying to look suavely pitiful.
“I am really impressed that you somehow understood that. A millennia of being in hell must have really opened your eyes. How is the old home front anyway?” I asked being facetious.
“I don’t like it there. It doesn’t suit me.” He answered pensively.
“Because everyone is already dead and someone else is running the show down there?” I continued.
“That’s, see if I had been exiled to Greece then yeah, that would have been the problem. But, no. That place is… Well it’s enough to make you want to revel in your own demise like it’s something to look forward too even though you’re scared out of your mind and just hoping it will all finally be over or at least not as bad when you wake up somewhere else ready to do it all over again. For example, no matter how many times I go though it and think that it’s not so bad, freezing to death and watching your limbs fall off sucks and yet is still preferable to being melted alive.” He expounded.
“I thought you were in lieu with the manager down there.” I said feeling kind of bad for him. He did very bad things to people back in the day so I could only allot a small amount of pity towards him.
“I thought so too, but apparently no one escapes the torment. That place was built for beings like me to suffer. Not so much the humans. And yet, here I am.” He said as he sauntered close to me placing his hand on my side.
The pain immediately left me and the wound closed. I felt like rather than healed, the wound had been implanted with some sort of parasite.
“I filled it with sand to stop the bleeding.” He said trying to make it seem like he had done me a favor.
“How the hell did you get here?” I asked. Some intel is better than no intel and if it’s the sand I think it is, it’s going to be a long time before I get to go home. I gently clouded a handful of it out of me and let it slowly slip through my fingers behind my back.
Sand is his little trick. It spreads keeping me unable to cloud and unable to disobey him. I have to get it out of me before it disperses through my bloodstream. If I can get most of it out, I will only be able to feel him for a few days and see what he sees as though I were looking through his eyes. I will not be his puppet. How would I explain this to Sam?
“Osiris helped me escape. He’s bringing a few of us back for a reunion of sorts.” He said happy that I seemed to be more pliable thus implying that his sand was working.
I feigned a smile as convincingly as I could muster. “Like who? Your wife?” I acted jealous.
“She’s been gone a long time and you know it.” Ares said as though I had truly struck a chord. “Back to her people. I hear she remarried.”
I heard she was possessed by a disembodied spirit after being half eaten by blood demons and now is sharing what’s left of her mind with a demon named Grenhelda who is hunting the Bitten One. But, that’s not information he really needs to know right now.
“You’d find her if you could. I won’t help you.” I told him.
“Why can’t you accept that I will just never have those feelings for you Gwen?” he asked perturbed.
“After a while it wasn’t about having your so called feelings. It was the idea that you wanted one person to love you, you got that person, and then you threw me away like I was nothing so you could play house with a vampire who didn’t bat an eyelash as you were sent to freeze to death and be melted in hell even though we all knew that she had access to hell through the reflection pools and could have gotten you out at any time. Even now, a woman you will never be able to trust means more to you than the woman who would have lived and died for you. And it’s such a piss off.” I told him all of the things I always wanted to say.
“Are you done yet?” he hissed.
“So I’m the bad guy now huh? I gave you everything that I was as a person only to be thrown away, I call you on it, and now I’m the piece of shit who just an angry child that cannot problem solve? Well, that’s why I’m glad you’ve been gone. Not so much in hell, but gone nonetheless.” I said more to myself than to him.
“For someone who loves me so much you wouldn’t think that would be the case. No one has ever loved me more than you Gwen. Not ever.” He admitted.
“You left and eventually I was able to let you go in my own heart. The problem you seem to have is that, when you kick someone out of your life they are gone. While I wasn’t the one to leave, I still had to get rid of you somehow. It was the only way.” I thought long and hard in that moment about the day I decided to breathe for myself again.
“How do you mean?” he asked earnestly.
“It wasn’t worth what it cost me to love you. But, if I erase you bit by bit, then the daily pain of your absence starts to wane doesn’t it?” I said as I clouded the last bit of sand I could feel inside of the wound into the palm of my hand and handed it to him as I shrouded myself in mist and disappeared from his sight.
No one should have to wait that long to tell off their ex boyfriend.
But, at the same time… I decided who I wanted to be a long time ago. Being the victim of someone’s painful words can feel just as badly as being the culprit. I can only hope that my words don’t come back to haunt me.
But, since he doesn’t care anyway…
The wound reopened and I found myself soaking in the Red Sea. The salt stung like nothing I’d ever felt before but it was Holy water and leeching out the remainder of the sand that had begun to spread in my veins. If there was an advantage to being connected to him, I wanted it severed only so that I could remain apart from him and all of the pain he somehow recalls and reawakens inside of me.
Then the guards near the shore fired a warning shot and I had to figure out where to go next. Maybe I will go and sit in the dark with Belle for a little while and tell her about my day. Comatose people can still hear you sometimes. Maybe that works for vampires too.
I just hope that I won’t be followed. I’ll have to test that for a few days before returning to the Jade Gates.
Wouldn’t Ares just love to know where that is?
(Photo courtesy of: www.mymodernmet.com)
Music for this episode – Chance for Chancers by Poor Old Lu