Speakeasy at yeah write #98:
My husband knew, my friends knew, angels in heaven who had warned me against this knew. Everyone was aware of my little plan to have a baby… except my boss. That was the problem in and of itself. I had a big mouth. I told everyone who noticed my new found joy that I had a goal in life.
To create a life. To enjoy watching a child of my own learn and grow and see bits of myself and my husband growing into something new. To become something… anything. The ability to become or to grow or to change was beyond me now. The lethargy that invaded me petrifying me had taken over. I had actually begun to rot in some places and it smelled to high heaven. Parts of my insides began to liquefy and no one understood why with all of the perks and gifts and enhancements I would be oozing inside for the chance to grow again. To expect a change. To get a gray hair and it be more than the one lonely strand that never seemed to multiply.
No one understood how in undead immortality I could possibly be unhappy. Isn’t that why we were vampires? To avoid the changes of age that lead to death. Isn’t that the beauty of it all? To remain young and strong throughout the ages come what may?
Don’t you get tired of looking at the same face in the mirror after a few hundred years and begin to wonder what it would have been like to grow a little bit older? A little bit weaker so you don’t have to be strong and carry on numbly all of the time? Don’t you wish you could contribute to life instead of hiding that fact that you’re dead all of the time?
My husband Simon understood and as he tenderly nursed me back to health so that my body could withstand pregnancy, what we were doing began to sink in.
Me and my big mouth. We are vampires. Abstaining from blood gives us the ability to regain parts of our humanity. Blood starts flowing in dead and clogged veins, lungs begin pumping, digestion starts again. The longer you abstain the more human you become. If you hold out long enough, and only God knows how long exactly, then your heart starts beating again and you regain total humanity and step out of the shadows.
The problem of course being that if three of us succeed then everyone can return to being human by merely making a decision. Not what the boss wants. Not what a fallen angel spreading venom like wildfire who’s building an empire would allow. Nope. Far too many people know.
And what do you know? We pulled it off. Three kill orders, or rather orders to kill and halt my progress, have come and gone un-obeyed. He’s waiting. He knows I would never cross him intentionally and he’s waiting to see when and where I finally come to him and explain begging mercy as I do.
Everyone knew the mandate and what happens if you don’t obey. Everyone was watching to see what would happen to me because I am on the esteemed Vampire Council. Everyone knew I was raving about the joys of getting pregnant.
Now all everyone knows is that I’ve disappeared for the last four months with no real explanation except for the outlandish idea that I succeeded. And as it turns out I never did consider that even talking about such a thing was technically treason if you really want to knit pick about it.
It was growing inside me. I have a name and a nursery and a future for how to hide this child all planned out. I have an escape route, epidural drugs, and a bag packed for a moment’s notice of escape. Maybe my big mouth and I could feign a story saying that I ate so much human food that I got extremely swollen in the midsection so that I could pretend that I’m pregnant and find happiness in a lie I fed myself because instead of physically rotting I’m now just sick in the head.
But, no one sick in the head who’s pretending to be pregnant after gaining weight is this happy. I’m a psychologist. I know how this works. I can’t self diagnose with anything but the truth and Primus, my boss, isn’t so old school as to not know what a pregnancy test is.
Knowing him, he’d just slit me open to see for sure. I’m immortal. I’ve survive that kind of thing. He wouldn’t think twice about it. Or, he’d send Caleb, his enforcer to reach into my belly with his bare hands, tear my baby right out of my stomach, and rip it to pieces while I watched or at least shortly before I fainted.
I have to figure this out. How is it that Simon and I could just disappear and no one say anything? They’d be questioned. Like I said I’m not some nobody vampire who no one keeps tabs on. I’m on the council. I’m on the run. I’ve not been to work anywhere in the continental U.S. in four months and no one has so much as sighted me shopping on my fake European holiday.
I’m in a house, on a farm, in the middle of China. I help with the rice and I don’t eat people. I am so thirsty. If I didn’t think it would hurt the baby I’d have had a least twelve people by now. Being pregnant and having cravings and as a vampire having those cravings… not such a good thing for a small village.
I can’t help thinking that my days are numbered and that even if I do somehow make it full term and deliver this child that I won’t get to keep it. I’d have to send it off somewhere so it won’t be killed. I wish I could keep a secret. Everything would be fine if I had and no one would think the wiser of my little vacation and sudden weight gain if I had at least gained and lost weight twice for the fun of it. Then claiming afterwards that I was performing some sort of experiment for my obese patients and unlocking the secret to how to help them.
Every cloaked figure and shadow scares me now because I know this little life in the wild will not last. The one thing that scares me and haunts me every night and has probably given Simon an actual ulcer like the humans. My big mouth.
Maybe I should build a statue of me holding my kid after it’s born. that may be the only thing I get to keep.