Vampires with disastrous private lives…
We were off the ground and if the guard had jumped but a little bit higher he would have grabbed my foot pulling the three of us down from the sky. Marty can fly. I wondered if she could due to the size of her wings. She ordered us to cover our ears and screamed something at the guards leaving them dizzily confused.
Three guards further down the street were out of ear shot and began leaping on rooftops to try and retrieve the lost success of their mission. She flew us right to the parking structure. We got to my car just as the three guard who’d been gaining on us had reached the building. They began to climb.
Fortunately, this was a mall. I took off my jacket and placed it squarely on Marty’s shoulders hoping to hide to some extent the wings that had lifted us here. There was no way we were going to make it out of here unscathed by just running for my car.
We ran into the nearest stairwell and bolted to the ground floor. The guards would have to cover three stories of glorious shopping before they’d be on the right track again. But, they’re smart. What if they knew we’d all go for the front door?
“Let’s split up.” both Marty and Ryan said simultaneously.
“I don’t want to.” I said nervously.
Marty just walked off. Then she stripped down to her underwear and stood in the center of a table piled high with lacy underwear. There was an ad campaign for angels in underwear right above her head. She was as still as a statue.
Ryan and I kept moving. She looked at everyone who had watched her stand up there and entranced them with her eyes and started humming just below the elevator music playing overhead. She was like an original siren. People flocked to the store. No one noticed the perfectly still vampire statue amidst them.
I wanted the grab the blonde girl standing near the back and have a snack. If I’m going to die today I want one last delicious indulgence in stress drinking. I’ve been in hell, and at home, and now on the run with whatever time I get to have left with my husband and I’m hungry!
Ryan led me away to the ice cream stand across from the underwear store and stared deeply into my eyes. I knew what he was trying to do. He always catches me off guard with how magnificently beautiful he is and makes me drool and forget my name. It would have worked too if not for the guard I spotted approaching us, completely bypassing the lingerie store and somehow confused by Marty’s constant humming.
Ryan took my hand and we walked, at a very human pace, to the escalator where we hid in the sporting goods store. I grabbed a bottle of water and a bunch of tennis balls. We have one shot at this. I have to remember everything that I’ve been through and stop cowering and being afraid every time we encounter a death trap. I have to remember who I am and that I was blessed by an archangel. It wasn’t all for nothing.
“What in the world Babe?” Ryan asked me with raised eyebrows.
“Old tricks are the best tricks. How’s your aim?” I asked as I spread the balls out in a plastic tub I’d emptied fish hooks from and started praying. “Dear Lord. I bless this water in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I ask for success today. In the name of Jesus, amen.”
As I poured the water over the tennis balls and began stuffing the cold things anywhere I could put them Ryan caught on.
“My screwball is still pretty decent.” Ryan said grinning as he stuffed tennis balls here and there.
“We just can’t touch Marty.” I reminded him.
“Right.” he said as it dawned on him that we were safe because we had been blessed. Not everyone we travel with will have had that luxury.
I could hear Marty humming louder from the floor below us. Either they were closing in on her or on us. She may have been as still as a statue but she never took her eyes off of us. She knew they were coming. Ryan slapped a $20 bill on the counter by the clerk who was helping another customer and told him to keep the change.
It’s a good thing I didn’t have a go at that blonde. At least the surveillance tapes will show that two human looking people absconded off with no more than $20 worth of merchandise and they won’t have the news come in and broadcast our faces for shoplifting.
How will we hide this? The hunt will really be on if we don’t kill these guards discretely. I can imagine the screams coming from random people as seemingly normal men start disintegrating into piles of ash after a distinct hit from a Holy Water soaked tennis ball.
We walked out of the store and to our relief everyone had frozen. Well, all of the humans anyway. Marty’s gift was certainly helpful in a pinch.
The first guard emerged from the bottom floor. He jumped from there to the railing just next to the escalator.
Ryan backed away. I fumbled for a ball stuffed into my shirt and in the time it took me to reach in there the guard had rushed up to me. He was inches from my face. I continued to fumble. The guard seemed so intense. He really was going to try and rip me apart piece by piece right here and now.
Where was Ryan?
The guard placed a hand on each of my shoulders and proceeded to kiss me, sticking his tongue in my mouth as he did. The more I fought to push him away the closer he held me until I stopped squirming in his arms. I looked at a bewildered Ryan like ‘A little help please.’
He looked at me with a wild look in his eyes and dropped the ball he was holding. He came behind me, pressed his body against mine and held me, and the guard who was still kissing me, close.
“I love you guys.” he said.
Ryan’s standing here hugging me and the guard who’s still got his tongue stuck down my throat while a hundred human onlookers are stuck in motion and I still can’t get this blasted tennis ball out of my shirt. I should have had it ready when I set foot out of the store.
Another guard began walking towards us. Great, just great. I’m stuck, Ryan’s stupefied, and this guy is trying to get to first base while he’s kissing me. Abstaining from blood for as long as I have put me at a distinct disadvantage. I’m not as strong as I would be as a vampire if I had fed within the last two months. I’m more human right now and as such cannot fend them off.
The other guard, a burly looking man walked straight up to us, knocking people over like they were cardboard cutouts as he made his way through them. He was bawling his eyes out and as he crept closer he pulled the kisser off of me throwing him into the fountain below, then he threw Ryan who hit the wall behind us with a loud thud, and wrapped his hands around my throat.
I looked at him with wide eyes wondering what emotion Marty’s humming had triggered within him. But, at least my hands were free.
“You were supposed to love only me.” he said as he proceeded to start crushing my throat.
It’s a good thing I am still a vampire for all intents and purposes and don’t actually need to breathe. I finally got a ball out and pressed it against the back of his head as he leaned in to kiss me while choking me.
Holy Water has a very specific effect on vampires. It immediately restores you to a human being. But, all of your years catch up with you and after your flesh rots off your bones you turn into a pile of ash. Maybe I should have just blessed a knife or something to skip the restored years part.
He didn’t lose his focus though. The guard had nearly reached my lips when his flesh started just falling off. I closed my eyes and refused to look. I don’t want any more nightmares than usual. Although, you would think that after cannibals in hell this would be a piece of cake.
Once I felt his grip loosen and the smoldering heat of his ash on my toes I backed away.
“Marty stop singing!” I shouted.
She didn’t hear me. The kisser reemerged. He came bounding towards me licking his lips as he did. Ryan was cuddled in a self bear hug fetal position on the ground singing about love, and I couldn’t tell if another guard was en route.
I threw a ball at the kisser, who caught it, and continued walking towards me stripping his clothes off with each step. As I looked on, he made it to about his underwear before he sank into a pile of smoldering ash never losing focus on his goal.
“Ryan get up.” I hissed, as I tried to help him unfold himself from the pretzel he’d turned into. Bad idea. He immediately grabbed me and began the process of taking our clothes off. “Not now. We’re still under attack Ryan.” I said as I struggled beneath him to gather a tennis ball or two that landed near us when he ripped my shirt off.
“I love you so much Ellenora. I’ve never wanted another wife. You are so beautiful.” he blathered as I continued to frantically search for where the third guard who had followed us wound up. Besides which we were still in front of about fifty people who were frozen in place. What a show they were getting.
“Ryan, listen to me baby. We’ll be together soon. Tonight in fact. But, we have to leave right now.” I tried to reason with him as he kissed my neck and thoroughly distracted me.
“Let’s have a baby.” he said.
“No, let’s get out of here Ryan. The guards…” I began but he cut me off with a kiss.
I didn’t want to hurt him, but he hasn’t had any blood either and we’ll probably have to steal the security tapes anyway. I gave him a strong left hook.
He looked into my eyes shocked and strangely aroused. Well, I should have expected his reaction. He slapped me and said something about being playfully rough. I went along with it so I could reposition and wind up on top where I proceeded to punch him until he blacked out, then got up and started pulling him up and over my shoulder.
“Sometimes they just don’t understand when you say no do they?” said a familiar woman’s voice.
I didn’t mean to but I dropped Ryan.
“Hold on a second.” I said, dizzy from exertion and the song Marty had switched to.
I grabbed a man, probably in his mid forties, finally got my snack, and gently left his body on the ground. He’d live… with mild anemia… but he’d live. I felt my fangs grow out and a surge of strength and focus I hadn’t felt in a long time.
“So, good to see you Genevieve.” I began as I wiped my chin and spun around to face her.
“He’s so cute how can you stand it?” she said as she crouched over Ryan and ran her index finger up and down his cheek. “This counts as spousal abuse. Yes? I would not have thought you to be the type.”
“I had a feeling we weren’t alone. I like privacy when I’m with him. What are you here for?” I asked not quite sure what to do.
I’m glad I drank. If I have to fight her I’m going to need my strength.
(Photo courtesy of: www.free-hdwallpapers.com)
Music for this episode – Glass to the Arson by Anberlin