Dear Epic Failure,
I have been tearing my hair out trying to figure out exactly what it is that had driven me to this point. I mean it’s not just any one thing you know. I have finally decided to just pick a reason and go with it. I like you, I really do. I like everything about you that I have ever learned was a trait about you. I think you are absolutely amazing.
But… (Oh come on you knew this was coming.)
You act like I did something wrong by caring at all. I think that is the central point behind it all that has driven me crazy. I’m at fault for caring. Like that is a crime. Like you didn’t express interest and flirt back to the point of accepting my phone number. So where do you get off being upset?
I don’t know what you think I have done to you but as far as I can tell, I’m the one who is embarrassed and rejected and flat out scorned. I am a beautiful, intelligent, caring, warm, and amazing person and you walk right by me like I’m some beggar on the streets irritating you.
If that was the case, why then did you bother at all learning my name or anything about me? If there was a rumor, you could have talked to me. If there was a bad moment you could have told me that something was bothering you. If there was someone else, you could have distanced yourself without flat out ignoring me and just have said so.
I should not be feeling on cloud nine and like I’m free from a slap in the face or some sort of oppression because you are not here or like I narrowly escaped feeling badly about myself because I did not happen to run into you. How did things get like this? I mean I could understand if we had words or an extremely bad date or some horrible moment where we completely misunderstood each other.
But, to feel like as nice as you are that I have been treated so coldly and for no reason… Well what can I say? That pisses me off!
So, I’m glad that I let you go. I’m even glad that I feel disgusted by your behavior so that no matter how good looking you are, those dimples and your general splendor do not overshadow the intense displeasure I have of knowing that you may be sweet today but pretend you don’t know me tomorrow. I will not get my hopes up. I will not even attempt to restore real speaking terms. I will not treat you any differently than I would any other person who happens to say hello to me, and by any other person I mean people that I do not have an affectionate and friendly nature towards or genuine warmth in each encounter. You wanted to be treated like a stranger.
I dare say I shall never see you wink at me again. Not that it matters. But it gave me hope that I had not had for a long time and I feel like the rug was pulled out from under me like it was all just a joke and it was stupid of me to hope for anything at all. Much less a real conversation or actual time to just be in your presence without ice sickles being shot at me and for what? Returning the interest you’ve shown.
I’m rambling. My thoughts and hence my words circling a drain with “Why?” as the central question. But, I suppose the reason why doesn’t matter anymore. This is just what is.