Epic Notes: Answer to coffee

hot seat

Dear Epic Failure (yes you’re back to that),

I waited to answer you on purpose. Not to be a difficult female but because you really took me by surprise. I have felt like I can afford to be blatantly honest with you because thus far I have been saying good bye so what would it matter right?

I think I literally held my breath when I got your coffee invite. Not because you did anything wrong it’s just this inner turmoil.

Like part of me definitely wants to say no. I already lost you. Why reopen a door that I have finally made my peace with closing?

That sounds selfish I know. I look at this from the perspective of… okay, you like me right now because I’m giving you a hard time but what about when I’m happy and just being me like I am most of the time? What then? Will you go back to not liking me enough to even say hello? I mean, by then we probably will have been on a few dates and just getting the silent treatment would be weird. Maybe you will just go cold again.

That is what bothers me. Like you will stick around just long enough to decide that you still don’t want anything to do with me after all and that will hurt a whole lot more since it will me my own stupidity to blame for saying yes now.

I am not holding the bad breaks from a previous relationship against you. I am looking at our own history right now.

But, there is that other half of me that so badly wants to believe that the hope I had abandoned lives again and because I already like you I feel compelled to give in to that hope. Like what if I get to care about you without the negative consequences I have been paying thus far. Shouldn’t I give that a chance?

To me, you are still beautiful and wonderful, and probably the most delightfully sweet and funny man that is so totally hot you have outright made me forget my name. I have never been this drawn to somebody.

I am down to one heartstring. I cut the rest away in hopes that it would be enough to let you go and now you want to have coffee.

Maybe  you meant it as a cliché and as much as I love that you have asked to spend time with me… I do not like coffee.

It tastes like burnt tea leaves to me and I like my tea far too much to ruin the taste of it in my head. Something that makes me mad though. You would know that if you acted like you gave a damn before now.

I’m still conflicted. I wanted to wait until after the holiday so that I could have the joyful hope that you would be waiting for me somewhere and enjoy my turkey in peace instead of falling into a depression if things do not work out.

However, now I have a month before Christmas to get myself together if things end up badly. So sure. Why not?

-Like a High School Crush


And then you said...

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