Epic Notes: My idea about coffee…


Dear Elle,

It is official. No one should be that good looking in person. I thought I was going to drool on myself. Holy crap. That is one beautiful man. It has taken a day or two just to get over that eye memorize thing he does when he’s pouting. It was all I could do to remember why I was ever even mad at him. Especially after he admitted that he did like me.

But, I did remember that he only likes me now because I give him a hard time. Perhaps he perceives me as a challenge and not someone he’s really looking to date unless I continue to bust his chops on a regular basis. The look on his face while he was squirming was priceless. Mean, I know. Priceless nonetheless.

He started out being flirtatious. See. This is what got my attention in the first place. He was flirtatious with me and that’s why I even bothered to give him the time of day. I mean, I know I’m pretty and all but I was sure that there was no way that someone that gorgeous and sweet and funny would ever like me. Besides which I’m kind of a wallflower so why would he notice me anyway. But he did, and I responded with affection, and he made me feel stupid for doing so.

I remembered all of this while we was flashing those dimples and telling me how I looked nice and am pretty sure I sort of scowled at him. He changed his tune and started pouting. Perhaps he was being genuine with those dimples, but I don’t think so. I think he was playing me. He must have thought being charming and such would turn me into putty.

In which case I would have been right back where I started. At his mercy to hurt me and make me feel stupid again. Oh no. I’m not leaving here without a confession of affection of sorts. You are giving me at least that much before this is over buddy.

And he did. See, mission accomplished. Or at least he must have thought so. I think the whole point of showing up was because I put him on blast and didn’t let him just sweep me under a rug. I’m sure his apologies were genuine because he really is a great person. But, I feel like maybe I cornered him by calling him on his crap and this was his way of fighting back.

So, now that your mission of making me putty and no longer pissed off at you had been accomplished… now what? You said you liked me. Does that mean, you like me enough to apologize in person and we go back to being distant almost strangers, do we continue to hang out? I mean, you said you would not rest until I said yes to coffee. But, maybe you only wanted to meet once just to clear the air and feel like you got me and my whining off your back so you could go back to your real life… without me… or any interaction with me… but still like me from a distance.

I felt it was a legitimate thing to ask about. So I did. I asked him, “So, now that we’re cool, where do we go from here? I mean, you said you wanted to have coffee. Are we going to go back to just saying hello in passing or are we changing how we interact period?” Well put and not threatening at all. I didn’t want him to feel cornered again.

Well, that didn’t work because he looked so confused. Like ‘Huh, life after coffee?’ He started reiterating how he regretted treating me the way he did. Which albeit it wasn’t straight up badly, but he could have been upfront and not led me on. He was frustrated. He seemed to wonder how he was still being looked at like he is still the bad guy after all of his effort. Ok well, what effort? You are trying to clear your name here, what effort counts if everything goes back to normal and all of this was for nothing? Progress equals effort. And by progress I mean a clear cut we are going back to being strangers or we are going to try to be friends at least.

He started talking about future dates. Okay, so it started to feel like he felt obligated and trying to fill some sort of quota so he could walk away later and say “So there. I went out with you and now I can walk away without looking like the horrible guy you painted me as.” Let me tell you that pissed me off.

Then he had the nerve to say that he was afraid that I  would reject him. Stupid head. That’s why I got all dressed up and met you here today at the expense of my pride. That’s why I agreed to come to you on your terms so you could convince me it was safe to not feel stupid for liking you.

I must have thrown him a look shooting daggers. I, as calmly as I could muster because I was so pissed off I that I was trembling, said “If I was going to reject you, I would have said no to coffee or stood you up. I’m still not sure if you liking me is going to result in more than a few conversations then back to normal because that is what you liking me has produced thus far until I started writing you about it.”

That shut him up. Like ‘Oh yeah. This is a mess because of me.’ Duh.

He was shocked and fumbling for what to say. I almost laughed out loud. I kept thinking ‘But you only like me when I’m a bitch remember?’ But, I figured that maybe I’m not giving his feelings any real credit because in a lot of ways I still feel slighted and like I’m being set up to be further humiliated for liking him so much.

I told him he was cute when he’s frustrated and that I liked his idea about going to the Winter Festival of Art at the beach sometime this week.

He seemed happy and relieved. We talked for a while about random stuff like why he likes this coffee shop versus a major chain or what made him decide to work in our field. I figured, I might as well get some of the things I’ve always wanted to know about him answered just in case everything falls through later.

So, there it is. Coffee.

-Like a High School Crush