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Vampires with disastrous private lives…

Epic Notes: What had happened was…

guilty

Ok so,

I went out with Epic Failure again, his name is Jared just so you know. And there are a few things I should probably go over with you to get you up to speed. I’ve been hiding out. I’m sure you’ve noticed. I guess I just needed a little space for my head because I’m happy and excited and not sure how to handle Bryan who is totally gorgeous but I’m dating Jared who I really like. So, you would think this would be an easy choice right? Go with the guy you like.

Ok well, I worked late with Bryan and as you can see he is totally hot. He is so engaging, captivating, easy to be with and I feel like he could easily be a great boyfriend but more than that, a really great friend. I want that. I want to date someone who I can feel close to like they are my friend. That is what I’m wanting from Jared, that companionship.

When I’m around Bryan it just flows. It always has, he’s just been in my life as a coworker though. We never really talked beyond the normal office stuff and a little bit here and there about our lives. But, when we work on a project together… it’s like peanut butter and jelly. We click so well. He makes me long for more of that because believe it or not I’m coming up on my 90th birthday as a flatliner. The last time I was close to anybody was probably about 20 years ago and after that went south (and by south I mean my best friend tried to poison me with silver, garlic, wood chips, etc.) I was very wary about letting anyone get super close to me. I have acquaintances that I can hang out with.

You know, people I can call up to go on playful hunts that don’t result in anyone dying or even just to test our skills for various missions. Working for Primus means you can get called in for anything at any time despite what your actual job is. So, I got called on a few interesting things with Silver Banshees and Liths (vampires infused with dark powers) and I am in the ongoing float pool.

But, when I do get pulled in to prep a mission for someone or go on one myself, guess who is right there with me? Yep, you guessed it. Bryan is. He is sweet unlike anything I have ever known. People tell me he is a lot like Paul. But, Paul is a traitor and is chasing after some human girl against Primus’ orders. However, if Paul had stayed around and had not gone off of the grid, Bryan is what they say he would be like. Maybe they’re cousins.

Anyway, I want that closeness and ease with Jared and I just don’t know how to get it. I want to say yes to Bryan just so I don’t feel like I’m so alone even though I am dating the gloriously gorgeous Jared who everybody loves but shies away from because he can be kind of a loner and has turned most everybody down anyway.

Maybe I should not have started writing him because he does turn most girls down, but I did not want to go down as just another number, just another rejectee, and too he gave me hope because he was witty and flirtatious with me too which is abnormal for him anyway.

I’m rambling.

So, Jared and I decided that instead of going to sea we would go to the mountains and hunt. We were trying to lure a bear to a house full of people throwing a party that way when the human police investigate the bloodbath we’d have an alibi. The bear was of course easy to coerce, but the people at the house were hunters of some sort and shot it dead. Then shot at us, and things went downhill from there.

Now, granted. There are no witnesses and we only drank about 5 people, but we did have to drink them to death to avoid being called in by Primus for exposing our secret.

Jared isn’t into the grocery store stuff. He likes the real thing. I admit. That blood was good, but I remember why I stopped. I became a very hollow person not regarding any life, not even mine as a vampire, the more that I killed and that feeling crept up on me.

Once I finally told him why I was so bummed he understood and felt bad, but I reassured him that this whole thing was my idea and that I wanted to go hunting with him. Most couples hunt together. If we are really hitting the fast forward button then we should too.

I felt sick to my stomach with guilt though and despite my intentions to be a “good girl” I wound up being quite naughty with him. Which of course he couldn’t keep to himself and although I know I have nothing to feel badly for since he is technically my boyfriend… all I could think about was how hurt Bryan would be when he found out. I wouldn’t hurt that man for anything. He is truly wonderful.

Hence, my hiding out.

So, I finally stopped avoiding him and went to work. Low and behold he had been out of the office for the last few days so at least he had not heard from anyone else yet that Jared and I had become a bonafide thing. But, I still would rather be the one to tell him.

I feel like I owe him that. I mean, he is so sweet to me and really went out on a limb to tell me how much he cares for me and I want to honor that somehow.

Wish me luck Elle. He’ll be in the office before my shift is over and instead of telling him that I didn’t call and connect with him while he was on his mini vacation, which I know is what he was hoping for… I will be more or less admitting to sleeping with my boyfriend and all but throwing his affection for me in the trash.

Now I feel like I’m the Epic Failure.

-Like a High School Crush

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