Episode 9 – Part 2: Trapped
(The implant sets in.)
We called in Dr. Jones. She specializes in hypnotherapy to erase the memories of people who witnessed a feeding and basically clean up our messes when we don’t kill in such a way where we can’t help but get caught. But, I needed a friend to help me.
So, Maribel came and spoke with Belle to assess whether or not Grenhelda was something she could contain using psychotherapy methods.
But, she would not let me stay with Belle while they spoke. I sat with Elle in the kitchen, pacing the floors. I left my wife alone to be either remade or broken and all I can do is wait here and strive for patience that I know I’ll never have.
* * *
“Why do you think that I’m here?” Dr. Jones asked me curious about my reaction.
“Maybe I’m not crazy for thinking that another person is in my head. So they called you.” I explained.
“You are not crazy. Something was done to you. Implanted.” she explained.
“So, I’m not crazy?” I asked hopeful.
“No. You’re probably feeling like Troy is driving you crazy but you yourself are not actually crazy.” she told me jokingly.
“That’s an understatement. What do I do?” I asked now that there was some hope for a way out of this.
“You have to divide Troy up into three pieces in your own mind. Troy the person, is a good person. Troy the friend, is a good friend. But, Troy the man and lover…” she continued.
“Is a horrible man.” I finished for her. “I think I understand the concept.”
“You have to take no thought of him as a man or a lover. Disregard that Troy the man slash lover even exists so that you can coexist with Troy the person, who you love, and Troy the friend, who you trust.” Dr. Jones told me.
“Then will I be able to stop letting Grenhelda out?” I asked pensively.
“Only if Troy is really what’s triggering her release.” she explained.
If I do it just right then I might just be able to stop hating him… most of the time anyway.”But what if he’s not?”
“We won’t know unless we try Annibelle.” Dr. Jones said as she seemed to study my eyes.
“Are they silver again?” I asked hoping they weren’t.
“Have you been doing something?” she asked as though I was a guilty child.
“Like?” I sounded like a teenager.
“You no doubt are aware of certain amenities that come with being a vampire. But… there are some things that are considered the quote unquote dark gifts that are unnatural even for us.” she said with real danger behind her voice.
“When I’m really angry something catches fire. I don’t know if it happens when she’s out.” I began.
“Something like what? A part of your body or something in the room near you?” she inquired surprised.
“Both.” I said sheepishly.
“Can you control it?” she asked studying my face.
“Most of the time.” I answered as I lowered my eyes and saw the tips of my long dark hair turning red.
“Do you hear her right now?” Dr. Jones asked reaching to pat me on the knee comfortingly.
“No. It’s like we’re becoming one. My thoughts are hers and vice versa. I’m still me just with her sentiments and powers.” I explained as I saw small flames explode from the tips of my fingers. I balled my hands into tight fists to put the flames out.
“Do you want to go back to your life before all of this? Before Troy even?” she asked me.
“If I could… yes. I could go back to being me and being ok with who I am instead of forever wondering why I chose to love someone that I knew in my heart had married me yet somehow had not chosen to stay with me. I knew when we said ‘I do’ that he really meant that he’d let me love him until he was ready to leave and getting married was just an illusion of permanence.
“I knew that he was saying he wanted me to love him until he was ready to walk away and that because I loved him I was willing to take a leap of faith assuming that my love would override his preemptive decision to leave me no matter what. I knew and I did it anyway because I knew that I couldn’t live without him. So, I really did this to myself and I loathe myself for it.” I explained as I stared at the ball of fire turning and twisting into odd shapes in the palm of my right hand. I balled it into a fist again and the fire subsided.
“It’s not your anger at Troy that fuels Grenhelda is it Belle?” Dr. Jones asked as she sort of shied away from me. I guess I scared her.
“Nope. I guess not.” I said seeing now that all of my hair was bright red again.
“She’s taking over using the hate and anger you have towards yourself for choosing him. It doesn’t matter what he does now, nothing will bring you back. Would you agree with that?” Dr. Jones asked me as if she was confirming something for somebody else.
“Yeah. Slick isn’t it? I can’t run from myself now can I? But, the thing is I’m still me right now. It’s not like it was before where I’d wake up after being her. I’m both right now.” I continued.
“No, you feel like Belle, but you’re actually Grenhelda right now.” Dr. Jones answered as she stared deeply into my eyes.
“You’re not here to help Belle are you?” I asked as my voice seemed to rise two octaves.
She shook her head no.
“You’re here to lock me in place and make sure I took over smoothly for Primus.” I continued as I tried to decide whether or not it mattered.
“Something like that.” she said.
“The only way to save Belle is through Holy water and as a vampire it would kill her anyway. No. Now what?” I asked as I seemed to let myself go. A freer sense came over me as I completely gave in to the oneness of me and Grenhelda. It was nice having Grenhelda in a way, like I wasn’t in this alone like I had felt for so long after he’d left me.
“I could always lock you into her head and let you come out at the right time. Give her one last glimpse at life…” Dr. Jones said.
“Like we have time for that. I remember now. I know why I have had a single recurring thought and it makes total sense for why I’m here.” I continued as I seemed to let my mind slip farther and farther away in a euphoric daze. Grenhelda took over seamlessly and we switched places where I watched and she lived. At least now I wasn’t unconscious and unaware.
“I was summoned to do one thing… Find Paul.” Grenhelda said laughing evilly.
I wanted to take over. I didn’t want to leave just yet. Maybe I could try the hypnosis for just a little while. I felt like a coward hiding behind her now. But, the cold slip of prison doors seemed to close in around me and I knew… I was only going to be watching for a long time.
Grenhelda had completely taken over.