Take it from another immortal woman who God sent angels to say “Hey, you’re going to help end the war against vampires” in a prophesy.
When you start to feel like all of this was a waste of time and you want to give up, just take a deep breath first before you decide to walk away. If you leave, you’re not just walking away from one thing. You are leaving an entire way of living. Do you want to just pretend like none of this ever happened? Just abandon it all because it did not work out as you had hoped?
There was so much you were excited about. So much good came out of this. So much work went into making it this far. What ever happened to saying that you were in this for you? Not for anyone else. Even if no one else knew what was going on, you were in this because it was the life you had made. A legacy that you could claim even if you are the only one who knows it exists?
I know you are feeling the pressure now. You’re getting laughed at, like “That’s as far as you made it after all of that?” I know you never lorded over anyone like you were better than them or anything, but it is the people who had hopes for you who are disappointed for you and share in your dismay. That’s not who’s laughing at you though, it’s the people who felt threatened like “Who do you think you are doing something that will mean something one day? I’m not doing anything and I still feel like I’m better than you, and now you’re a real failure because nothing worked out, so what you did all of that stuff.”
That’s what’s bothering you. It’s not even the part where you feel compelled to cheer on someone else’s success as they laugh at you and how they “made it” before you and will be able to afford to live out your dreams with their prosperity even though you’re still struggling. Like they ever had such dreams before you said what existed out there to strive for.
And you sit here in the middle of the world’s derision unhappy that after everything, you could have been one big nothing with nothing to show for yourself for all it matters.
It’s tempting to give up and try to scramble to hurry up and become something to prove that you’re not worthless, or a failure, or completely wasted so much of yourself to your endeavors….
That’s what you’re waiting for. That last moment when you could have chosen to give up and walk away but didn’t and it all became worth it because God saw that people were laughing at your resolve to do what He called you to do. As if you could have ever had the drive and the focus to do all of this by yourself unless God himself told you to do it and carry on. God didn’t forget you see.
He sees them laughing. He sees how you still look up at him saying, “Even now, you could still make this work. Even now I shouldn’t feel stupid and like this is a dying dream. Even now while I’m sitting here trying not to wallow and still I believe you when you say I can have what I have been working towards. I don’t care about the laughter. I just don’t want anyone to feel like they can say that you didn’t come through Lord because you are faithful and you will do it. I trust you.”
That “and suddenly” is coming for you.
So don’t feel stupid for trying and not giving up okay.