Epic Notes -Alone in the morning


I don’t even know who I’m writing for right now. For me, for you, for the way I remember things being and how badly they turned out. For how much I wish I could take things back and the decisions that seemed to have pushed us down this road. For the apology I can never give you now because you were so mean and stupid in the end. I don’t know if you will even read this.

Jared. There, I said your name. It has been a long time since I would let myself even say your name out loud. Do you even think of me? The last time I saw you was in a diner somewhere in Asia because we were helping my friend get home to his brother who is a dragon… or something? I don’t know. I was beheaded. I remember the way it felt as my flesh was sliced through and the fear that ran through me because I knew Hell was the only option. I’m a vampire. We don’t go to heaven.

I felt like I had squandered my chance to get out of Hell and that very real destination became a dreaded reality instead of a distant thought because I have been invincible as a vampire.

When I woke up I just ran for it. Primus has placed a kill order on me. Grenhelda is supposedly looking for me. Elle is no where to be found. Marty is awol. None of my old contacts are in contact anymore. And no one can find Paul.

I’m heading to the Smoky Mountains. The immortals supposedly stay there. If I make it there alive I’m going to travel with them and see if they know anything more about how to become human. Maybe I will run into Paul on the way there or something. I just can’t live this life anymore. Dying really scared me. I think I was spared somehow though because when one of us gets beheaded the coma is supposed to last something like 50 years instead of just a year or so.

Anyway. From what they tell me, you never came for me. But, you’re not dead or captured either. I feel so abandoned. Was I really that horrible of a girlfriend that you never even came to see me?

I can’t even bring myself to miss you. I feel so stupid for even being your girlfriend. You didn’t even send a card. The nurses say that Bryan came by and sat with me for a week about three months before I woke up. He waited a long time to come, but he still showed up. Do you realize that I chose you over Bryan and he is the one who cares the most about me? He is my best friend and I can forgive him for his brother doing this to me.

But you? You just left me there. What if I was trapped in a nightmare that only your voice could soothe away or something? I really hate that the reason I wound up in this mess was because I was out with you and that the reason I came to realize that I need to get out of vampirism is because even the people me love will abandon me and I will go to Hell alone.

So, I guess I’m writing this for me. To say goodbye to what we had. To say I’m giving up on love and just trying to escape a certain fire that awaits me because being in love for the last time wasn’t worth the pain that came after realizing that I am never going to see you again.

So, bye I guess.



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