I want to reach back into a space far behind me where I felt good. Not just high self esteem, or having a good day, but that place that lives just beneath the surface when I was in your arms and felt good, contented, at peace and safe. But, my memory has been jacked with so much for so long that your face is a blur. So, I look for you in everyone hoping that memory recovery is possible through facial recognition.
I had a life before this. I must have. I was not born in a factory. I don’t have implanted memories of a childhood or other shifts as other Dollfaces do to gap the breach between us and our customers who are people that are asleep and plugged in. I can’t have always been just this… I don’t think. I hope. I must be an anomaly of some sort. A glitch that was never properly filtered out. Maybe I’m broken goods and not good for anything else but a therapy doll for people with degrading minds to do degrading things to me.
Even so, how people wind up so unstable as to think my current assignment is any kind of right is beyond me. A tightrope walker. Really? She has me up here at a thousand feet dangling from my fingertips as she attempts to tight rope walk from here to the other side of a building to overcome a fear of heights.
I’m so glad this is just a Mind Blow. As a refresher, a Mind Blow is when a client logs into your mind and relives a memory in your head while your Inferno body rests comfortably, or not so comfortably somewhere else. A Body Blow is when your physical body is out on assignment going to a place for some sort of event that a client wants to either live through you, or make you a victim of.
Sadly, as damaged as I get during Body Blows those repairs are reasonable. Getting messed up from a Mind Blow takes a lot of coding to repair. Like reattaching neurons or something.
This client paid a lot of credits to do this to me. Each step she takes makes the wire tremble just enough to feel a hot current running through it slowing melting through my fingers. At some point in time all of my fingers will have been severed and I will fall a thousand feet to my doom and dismemberment.
If my boss has any mercy on my they will at least turn my pain sensors off when I land. But, then that’s what the client paid for isn’t it? For me to fall so they can gain intelligence on what she needs to turn off, activate, or remap her shape into when she falls.
I feel my last pinkie finger click as it falls off, a blast of wind hits me as I careen towards the pavement below and all I can think about is the migraine I will have when I wake up.
This should get me at least one day off.